


Natasha Romanov - a Multiship Manifesto

by seussian



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Meta, Multi, Ship Manifesto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 01:24:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1450126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seussian/pseuds/seussian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AKA: things I will never write</p>
<p>The real problem with The Avengers is that I ship EVERYONE, and I am absolutely 100% NOT a multishipper. It makes my soul hurt to read alt pairings, knowing the other half of my otp is crying somewhere alone in a corner yearning for the meet-cute that never happened… UGH BUT IT’S JUST ALL THE PAIRINGS MAKE SO MUCH SENSE. </p>
<p>This all started with the Natasha zone I’ve been in after seeing Winter Soldier. I was thinking of just HOW MANY ships she’s involved in for me, and things spiraled out of control. Allow me to demonstrate:</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natasha Romanov - a Multiship Manifesto

Threesome!Natasha involves a lot of mediation and exasperated eye-rolling at my own feels:

 

**Natasha/Steve/Bucky** (Steve mostly follows Bucky around like a puppy, trying to coax him into trying things like dipping dots and puffy Cheetos - all the while being painfully aware that underneath the goofy madcap exploring-the-new-world montage he’s trying to create everything is turning to shit because Bucky isn’t even Bucky anymore; he’s this raw, hyper-violent, damaged remnant of the man Steve loved more than breathing before all this, but is pretty sure he loves anyway just as fiercely now, and sometimes fronting like a madman is all he can do in the face of how much he hurts for failing Bucky. That’s where Natasha comes in. She’s got the ability to gently tease Steve out of his guilt, and she can also kick him in the ass if when necessary. They have a serious amount of mutual professional respect in the field, but Natasha - as much as she wishes she were above that sort of thing - sometimes wants to climb Steve like a tree. Steve is occasionally taken off guard by how stunning she is, how funny and kind she can be, because she’s perpetually handing him his ass during training and giving him backchat on coms during missions. It’s not that he doesn’t know it, it’s just that when he notices his breath catches in his throat and his already skintight pants get a little tighter. When Bucky shows up, Steve watches enraptured while they spar, because he’s never seen anything so graceful even when his heart feels shredded knowing what they went through to become who they are. Natasha and Bucky understand each other. Painfully. They have a lot of things to pointedly not talk about at breakfast in the morning, sitting stoically at the kitchen table while Steve makes pancakes, but when Steve mutters folksy obscenities under his breath at the electric hand mixer they both can’t help but grin at each other and clink their coffee mugs together. They maybe think each other is pretty damn badass and graceful on the combat mat too, but they’d never admit it and they expend a lot of energy trying to out-do one another. The rest of their energy they expend tag-teaming Steve into exhaustion.)

 

**Natasha/Clint/Coulson** (Clint/Coulson is my one and only OTP in this fandom, and still Natasha is so awesome she manages to sneak in!! It would go like this: She thinks Clint and Coulson are idiots when it comes to their feelings; Natasha is always sitting them down like recalcitrant children and forcing them to emote before taking off her pants. She coins the term “pillow feelings” - a combination of pillow talk and sharing your feelings that the boys hate until they all wind up giggling in bed together like lunatics after Coulson admits his first thought about the each of them was how hot they still looked after having been shot and held captive by enemy combatants. Clint loves them both so fiercely he looks in pain over it, even though Natasha knows he’s never been more comfortable, and Coulson is as rock solid as the earth, even though he tries to hide the fact that he can’t quite contain his amusement when he’s around the two of them. Natasha is happy like she’s never been, and she loves the way Clint’s stupid dirty jokes make her laugh and that Coulson makes her snort and cover her face when he commits the most brutal of character assassinations when referencing his flock of junior agents.)

 

**Natasha/Pepper/Tony** (Natasha thinks Tony is a vain, prideful douche until Pepper is endangered and Tony’s masks fall away. She helps him lead the charge to rescue her, only to find Pepper standing on the villain’s throat in her ankle-snapper heels, holding the bad guy’s iPhone and texting snippily. Natasha falls in love with her wry smile and effortless competence right away, but it takes her longer to see why Pepper loves Tony, why anyone would spend their time on someone so LOUD. (The bastard is generous, stubborn, relentlessly driven, and fucking hysterical. It actually pisses Natasha off sometimes how funny she thinks Tony is. It would please her immensely to remain unmoved by him, but he’s quick, and just a little mean, and Natasha loves it even though she hides it well.) It takes Tony just as long to see why Pepper would gravitate toward Natasha’s stillness, to see how her cool and dangerous exterior is merely the window dressing for her loyal and dangerous interior. Pepper and Natasha actually crack each other up - they’re both possessed of very subtle senses of humor and sometimes they trade banter that’s so under the radar it takes Tony a good hour to figure out they’ve been messing with him, which bugs the shit out of him because neither one of them laugh at his engineering jokes. (He has to tell his engineering jokes to Rhodey, who always laughs. Rhodey is Tony’s bestie for life.) Tony should know by now though that Pepper is smarter than he is, and when they’re all in bed - Natasha and Pepper sliding together and Tony leering- he says as much out loud. He smiles broadly at Natasha when she just raises an eyebrow at him and challenges him to a thumb war for the right to make Pepper come a third time. Natasha wins, but Tony swears for weeks that he let her. He hadn’t.)

 

**Natasha/Pepper/Coulson** (this would be a post-Tony Stark party hook-up where they would all peel off their impeccable clothing and Coulson would blow both their minds and in the morning over breakfast Tony would cry because he wishes he had as much game as Phil Coulson.)

 

and then there are the couple pairings, because sometimes Natasha wants someone all to herself:

 

**Natasha/Bruce** (so much tea drinking and exploring their inner souls and body counts. They would sit together in zen gardens and be at peace with each other and the world for just a moment, and then Bruce would tug at his curls and Natasha would arch her neck; they’d lock eyes, have exuberant, rambunctious sex next to the koi pond, and wind up responsible for the damage to the adjacent rock garden. Natasha would be afraid of the Hulk, the way she’s not afraid of anything, because she can’t seduce, out fight, or negotiate with him. The Hulk makes her feel small and weak, and she’d really love to hate him, but for Bruce. Bruce is a simmering pool of anger underneath a forested canopy of soft smiles and gentleness, and she gets that. Bruce has a wicked, understated sense of humor, slouches around in rumpled scrubs, and brings her tea in delicate little cups which smash on the ground when he picks her up so they can fuck on lab tables after he peels her out of her bodysuit or comfy hoodies - whichever. She leaves dark bruises on his hips and arms, and once knocked him flat on his ass when he inadvertently snuck up on her from behind, and to her surprise and relief he didn’t Hulk out. He nodded solemnly at her in apology and left the room while she took a minute to calm down, and then made her popcorn and conned her into watching Ghostbusters for the millionth time. They make each other feel human, and Natasha just really likes him.)

 

**Natasha/Pepper** (Pencil skirts, secret tempers, and lots and lots of red hair.)

 

**Natasha/Darcy** (lush. Lush is the word I would use to describe this pairing. And mentorship. Natasha would start by teaching Darcy judo moves for self-defense, and then there would be rolling around on a training mat and general sweatiness… yeah)

 

**Natasha/Sif** (I imagine Sif making a boast about having the most kills or something in a fight, then Natasha appearing silently behind her shoulder with a long knife and begging to differ. This would result in many contests and feats of strength and agility that would wind up, naturally, in bed. They declare themselves both winners and Lady Sif would sing songs about Natasha’s red hair and strong thighs in the halls of Asgard, and Natasha would mostly smirk at everyone and be endlessly smug that she made Sif come 14 times when Sif only managed to bring her off 13.)

 

**Natasha/Clint** (this pairing hurts my shipper soul because WHAT ABOUT PHIL but then I imagine them having amazing sex while on op, with Phil watching via surveillance cameras and afterward side-eyeing them both in Fury’s office and being half-convinced it was all a show for him aND WHOOPS I’M BACK AT OT3)

 

(But, no matter who she is with romantically, she and Clint are besties for life and compare their physical flexibility in relation to the Gay Kama Sutra at every opportunity. Usually in front of Tony, which makes him cry.)


End file.
